So far...

We are still pre-TTC. (Trying To Conceive, for those of you who don't follow the crazy lingo in the baby-makin' world. And, as a side note, I hate those damn abbreviations and can never figure them all out, so I'm making you a vow that I will try to keep the stupid little devils to a minimum).

Where was I? Oh yeah, "pre-TTC". So, we're still trying to prevent pregnancy from happening, but simultanously trying to prepare for pregnancy when it does happen. I had been on birth control (Yaz, then Apri) for the past 10 years, and did not refill my prescription after my last period in February. It took exactly seven (count 'em, seven) days after my last pill for my entire face to become a zit-filled mine field that would rival a teenage boy's. Isn't that special? I consider it my little induction into the crazy body changes that await me during pregnancy. Mother Nature is just letting me get my feet wet before she pushes me straight into the deep end of the pool, clothes and all.

I am still in my first post-birth control cycle, so I'm still noticing all kinds of changes in my body. The worst part about all this? I have no idea what to attribute the changes to. If the only change I had made in my little world was going off the birth control, that would be one thing, but never one to make things simple, I have changed all sorts of stuff lately. All in the name of baby makin'.

I went off birth control.
I went on prenatal vitamins.
I went on a Calcium + D supplement.
I went on a Super Omega 3-6-9 supplement.
I went on a new Diabetes drug called Actos.
I changed the way I take my PMDD meds.

So, the super sore boobs? The fatigue? The random (what I assume is an) ovary pain? The extreme hunger? The swelling? The mood changes? The sudden appearance of moles? The actual noticeable appearance of cervical mucous (eww)? I can attribute some of these things to going off the birth control, and others to starting the Actos, but who really knows? I guess there's also always the possibility now that these things are being caused by a pregnancy, too. You just never know.

That's what I told my husband. One day a couple weeks ago, I was super tired so I went to bed early. The next morning, he said, "Honey, are you sure you're not pregnant?" and I said, "No. I'm not sure I'm not pregnant. I'm not on birth control, and we have sex. So you can just assume until I am pregnant that I could be pregnant. You just never know." And still, we don't know. I'm not due for a period until next Monday, and I haven't taken a pregnancy test because I'm not convinced at all that I am. In a week, I'll let you know.

Which actually brings me to the other part of this whole little journey that I'm freaking out about. The cycle. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun. Like I said, I've been on birth control for 10 years. And, like I said, now I'm not. I have absolutely no idea what to expect of my cycle. 28 days? Regular? Who knows! It's all part of the fun! (Sarcasm there, dears). That's the reason we (and by "we", I mean "I", as is the case with so many things in a marriage and/or pregnancy) went off the birth control a few months before we wanted to actually start trying. Me, being the control freak that I am, I wanted a chance to follow my cycles and see how regular they are.

So I chart. I'm not doing the basal body temperature thing, because, frankly, it seems like a big fat waste of time. And also very subjective. What I am doing is charting the day I start my cycle and using ovulation predictor kits (OPK's for short) to try to determine my ovulation and cycle length. Let me tell you something: it's always a great week when you start each day by peeing on your hand. Remember that, kids. Words to live by.

And since I'm still in this first cycle, I'm still getting the hang of this stuff. I'm pretty sure I misread the positive OPK from the week as a negative. Looking back, when the next day's line was not nearly as dark as the previous day's, I decided that it probably was, in fact, a positive. It's all trial and error here, folks. Which doesn't bode well with my control freak nature and the desire to get pregnant/have kids during specific months. Yes. I'm one of those people. The Hubs and I want to get pregnant in late June to maximize our chances of a late March baby.

Now, I know that there is the possibility that we will not get pregnant the very first time we try. And I know that there is the possibility that we will not get the boy that we hope for. But I'm known in my little circle of friends as The Eternal Optimist, so I'm going to keep the dream alive that both of those things will happen and that somehow, someway my preparation and need for control will override the laws of biology and nature. It's my blog. I'm allowed to be dilusional. Always remember that, mmmkay?

So anyway, I'm attempting to lower my blood sugar levels to a ridiculous number, I'm off birth control, I'm charting my cycle length, I'm using ovulation predictor kits, I'm fighting a losing battle against becoming one giant zit/mole combo. That's where I am, which is basically nowhere. Let's see where it goes from here.