Big stuff...

So.

Big stuff.

I'm pregnant. (No lie...)

I'm excited, nervous, happy, anxious, freaked out, and thrilled.

The Hubs is...well...adjusting. But he's already making progress towards the excited and happy realm.

So, the story: As you've seen in previous posts, we did the baby dance after we thought I was finished ovulating, thus thinking we were going to be fine. Obviously, we were wrong. lol. I took many, many pregnancy tests, all CLEARLY negative, on 4/10, 4/14, 4/16, and 4/19. On the night of the 19th, I had a breakdown. The Hubs came home for a few minutes between school and work, and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I was so frustrated with the waiting and not knowing and I kept saying that I just wanted an answer. Either way. And it was the truth. At that point, I did not care whether I was pregnant or not. I would honestly not have been heartbroken or elated one way or the other, I just wanted to know. So we decided that if my period did not come by Wednesday, 4/21, I would make an appointment to go get a blood test.

Oh, and I need to mention that on the 19th I called my doctor and explained the situation to one of the nurses, trying to figure out if I actually needed to come in and spend the money for a doctor's visit and labwork. The nurse conferred with another nurse, and the general concensus was that it was perfectly normal for me to have wonkey periods so soon after coming off 10 years of birth control, and that home pregnancy tests were incredibly accurate nowadays, so if it said I wasn't pregnant, then chances are I had nothing to worry about.

Well, I guess they can't know everything.

So, Wednesday morning, I woke up and couldn't help but test, knowing full well that I was probably going to test at the doctor's office anyway. I took the test, set it down, and went about getting ready - brushing my teeth, fixing my hair, everything that you normally do in the bathroom. I almost forgot to look at the test before I left to pick out my clothes for the day. When I went to pick it up, I pretty much subconsciously made the motion to throw it in the trash, assuming, just as FIVE pregnancy tests before it, it would be negative. I glanced down at it, and a very, very faint line caught my eye.

I looked up at the mirror and covered my mouth, then looked again, and sure enough, the line was still there! I kind of let out a little laugh, and swiftly moved into the bedroom with the test so that I could prep it to show The Hubs. I had decided a while ago that I would tell him he was going to be a daddy by doing what I do best: shop. I bought a teeny tiny pair of baby booties and put them in one of my shoe boxes along with the monkey blanket we had bought a couple weeks ago and the pregnancy test.

When he came in the room, I was getting clothes on for work and I casually mentioned that I had gone shopping the night before. His first words were an alarmed "How much did you spend?" (lol, little did he know...) I held out the shoe box and said that I bought some shoes that we wouldn't be able to use for a while, and he got this totally confused look on his face. So I opened the box, and showed him the baby booties, and he said, "You bought baby shoes?" clearly thinking that I was just planning ahead. Then I said, "Yep. Because I'm pretty sure you're going to be a daddy!" and I handed him the pregnancy test.

The lighting in our bedroom isn't the greatest, so he said, "I only see one line...". I brought the test into the bathroom and showed him that there were, indeed, two lines there, and that it looked like I'm pregnant now. I was totally shaking, nervous, excited, freaked out, and wondering how he was going to take it. Would he run screaming from the house? Would he cry? What was he going to do with this shocking news?

Turns out, he didn't do much. I'm pretty sure he just went kind of numb thinking about all the changes this meant to our "plan". This baby is two months early. We aren't ready. It's not how we planned it! I'm sure he was thinking all these things, but he covered it well. We hugged and kissed, and joked about how dangerous it is to have sex. Then I had to get ready and go to work.

At work, I somehow managed to only tell 3 people, plus The BFF, because, how could I not tell The BFF?!

Somehow, I magically made it through an entire day of work, stopping periodically to check on the pregnancy test that I had stashed in my purse. For some reason, it comforted me every time I would look down and see those two lines. It just made me feel like everything was going to be okay - that my body is not doing something crazy (well, it is, but at least I know what it's doing now) - that this is how it is going to be now, whether it's the "right time" or not.

The Hubs had decided to go to his parents' house after running some errands so that he could catch up on some sleep before school that evening. (It sounds crazy, but it makes sense logistically). I called him after I got out of work twice, with no answer. For a split second, I wondered if he was so shocked and freaked out by the news that he was never coming back from his parents' house. I tried to push the thought out of my head and went about my night. A little over an hour later, he called, saying he was still asleep when I had called and that yes, in fact, he would be coming home the next morning after work. Irrational, yes, but a fear nonetheless, and I felt very comforted when he chuckled at the thought of leaving me and our baby.

Later on that night, after a whole day of freaking out about the thought that he's gonna be a Dad and that we're going to have a baby before the plan says to, he sent me a goodnight text. It said "Love you, Momma. Night."

He's gonna be okay with this. I'm sure of it.

Off we go into the wild blue yonder...

Oh, and by the way: If you go by conception date, we're due on Christmas Day, 2010. Merry Christmas!

(Oh, and BTW, if you're on FB, please don't mention anything. My family won't know until after Mother's Day, and I don't want the surprise ruined for them! Thanks!)